Modern men need to talk the talk and walk the walk

A man's words need to speak as loudly as his actions, life coach Paul Stewart says.
A man's words need to speak as loudly as his actions, life coach Paul Stewart says. Brett Wortman

BELIEVE it or not, there are men out there who on their wedding day told their blushing beautiful brides, tenderly, that they loved them.

Twenty years later those same men can say: "I told you that I loved you on our wedding day; what more do you want from me?"

Do you think they missed something?

I deal with a lot of men (and women) who can slip into a state of agony over how much of themselves they communicate to their loved ones.

Many men, for reasons of their own, can hold back on sharing their thoughts, beliefs and feelings. For them, telling someone that they love them is like that most special and sacred of moments.

Instead, they can hold back and would rather express their love with their actions rather than their words. Men of action can be great men… but still something can be missing.

The risk is that when they don't link their actions with their words, that when a problem comes along.

They either don't speak (and the problem gets worse) or they do speak, and because they haven't spent time linking their actions and their words together, not walking their talk, their words can sound and feel hollow. Distant. Unbelievable. Lacking in conviction and emotional muscle.

Women have changed and moved on, and for many men the image of the strong, silent provider is not enough any more. Perhaps it never was.

Many women are looking for this connection of words and actions from their partners. It tells them that the man they are with knows and trusts himself. Women who feel it can breathe a sigh of relief and relax into their man.

Women who don't can get agitated and disappointed, and can often take on more of the burden of the relationship onto their own shoulders.

Over time, this can get tiring. If a woman gets tired enough, she can decide that it is time to end the relationship.

Of course, there are also men who just won't shut up. They scheme and beg, and plead and seduce, promising much and delivering little, if anything at all.

These men work really hard to keep the relationship going, but the result is just as unsatisfying for the woman as the other extreme.

Women have changed and moved on, and for many men the image of the strong, silent provider is not enough any more. Perhaps it never was.

Men now have to find a better balance, to share their love, their respect, their commitment, the deeper parts of themselves through both their words and their actions.

Today's man has really gotta' walk his talk, and talk his walk.

Paul Stewart is a Life Coach with Compassion Coaching (compassioncoaching.com.au), and also supports the inSight Men's Circle, run through Hopelink: 4979 3626. 



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