Sophistication, step onesie: Ditch the silly suit
IN what world did it become okay to wear a onesie in public?
I'm well aware that despite any remote hint of taste, this fashion statement has exploded.
Well done onesie wearers, you look like a giant, overgrown baby.
If they are worn in the comfort of your own home, no dramas, carry on.
It will never be okay, however, for a fully grown adult or even pubescent teen to don a onesie outside the confines of your own home, where only the people who love you will be subject to the visual torment.
Last week I witnessed a woman wearing a Pikachu onesie out to lunch in Bundaberg.
Now Gladstone residents, I'm not going to dare compare us with Bundaberg.
I wouldn't want to offend.
We have a certain level of class that doesn't seem to infiltrate past Baffle Creek.
If you were to personify bogan they'd be in a onesie, Ugg boots and all, and a bottle of Bundy in tow.
But, I've always wondered how practicality is so willingly compromised for girls who wear onesies.
First of all, it is a severe impossibility to look attractive.
And that statement is not gender specific.
Needless to say, it's not a universal objective to look attractive.
But ladies, how can a onesie, for all of its supposed comforts, be convenient if you need to use the toilet?
Nothing makes me shiver more than the prospect of having to fully strip off (in winter no less) and have to sit on a freezing ceramic toilet seat.
For that fact alone, I will not be caught dead in a onesie, no matter how comical or comfortable I may be.
I implore Bundaberg residents to do the same.
And if you do happen to see some poor soul dressed in a onesie wandering the streets clearly looking for a scrap of sophistication, feel sorry for them.
They clearly were not equipped at a young age with the ability to make rational choices for themselves.
Bonus if it's a girl and you can laugh at the mental image of her having to go to the toilet.