Quick-fire love can be long-lasting, but what’s the rush?

Doctor Love

Q How soon is too soon to get married? I know I'm in love and I'm certain of how much he loves me and he treats me well and we want to get married. When we told our families they freaked out. We've been together three months and want to get married in a next month. They think I'm pregnant (I'm not). We just don't want to wait because we are that sure.

A There's a difference between not knowing what love is and rushing down the aisle. And if your family and friends knew better, they would spend more time listening to what is important to you both because I suspect that you will follow your emotions and if they push you too far towards each other and away form them, you'll run straight down the aisle, sooner rather than later.

You're both right. Your feelings are true but the concern by your friends and family, who have seen you through past break-ups, may be worried that your feelings, true as they are, won't last. Or his won't.

The solution to that worry is one or both of these things: time and trust. They need to trust your judgement, and time will tell if you have a solid relationship. On the other hand, the same applies to you: they are your support, they know you and they love you also, along with your partner.

Have you expressed what the rush is? You can't avoid a break up or change a pattern of short relationships by rushing into marriage.

It's probably not what you want to hear, but the science underlying it is real.

Biochemically when we fall in love, our brains are swimming in feel-good chemicals designed to keep us attracted and in lust and love.

It is only when those dilute down with time, which takes about a year or so, that we see our partners as they really are, with all their faults and irritations, as well as wonderful quirks and gifts, and we truly know, and accept, who we are committing to. This is the tried and true logic behind the historical year-long engagement and now we have science to back it up.

You're engaged. You've said yes to one another. Enjoy that lovely stage! Get to know one another. Rush off on trips. Rush off on dates. Rush into discovering each other's passions and interests. Rush into getting to know each other's friends and families well.

But why rush into marriage when there is so much to enjoy in this stage?

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