Panic in bread and milk aisles a disastrous idea
WELL, well, well.
It's good to be back, Gladstone.
Sounds like I missed all the action too! Cyclone!
I've always said disasters bring out the best and worst in people.
I've also always said you got to spend money to make money, so take heed at your peril.
But seriously, I will never, ever understand why bread and milk are the first to go in times of disaster.
Because that's the first thing I would grab in a time of impending doom, possibly two of the most perishable items ever invented.
What are you going to do? Have a milk shower?
Mmm, this bread is an excellent idea, until three days later the intense moisture in the air has it looking staler than Macaulay Culkin.
The s**t lasts for decades, doesn't need power to be cooked and will get you out of a jam!
Juices and bottled water, again, probably close to the first things that would be on my list, but oh no, got to get me that sweet "tip top" goodness before it's too late.
You're not getting it for toast are you?
No power, genius, what are you going to toast it with?
Your hot milk, oh wait, you can't heat that either!
Check and mate!
You want to know how I'd be going about things, prepare for Caveman's Disaster Shopping List!
Bottled water, check.
Apples (seriously you get a solid two weeks out of those bad girls, and one a day keeps the doctor away so they must be good), check.
Tinned foods, meats and fruits, check.
Nerf guns, because if you can't shoot a mate with a foam dart in a cyclone, when can you? Check.
Hard whiskey/port, because that's what they drink in the movies when they're cold and wet.
Peanut M&Ms, because a) they keep spirits up, and b) they're delicious, check.
That should get you out of trouble, with a disclaimer - do not ever follow this check list, unless you want to have a seriously good cyclone party, just add music and salvage the ping pong table for an epic howling wind-affected game of beer pong.
Stay safe, compadres!