Origin passions run high in opposing newsroom camps
OBSERVER reporters Jake Jones and Scott Sawyer have put their small-ish intellectual capacity and childish mindsets together to take a good look at both Origin teams.
Warning: this story may contain misguided opinion and outrageous comments. And none of it is entirely true.
Both boys accept the players in the match are hugely talented footballers who have oodles more ability than either of them, but they had fun trying to win the battle over who could come up with the most rubbish before the match.
Ultimately, it is all irrelevant after the score is decided tonight.
A look at the New South Wales team, by Jake Jones
Jarryd Hayne: As useful in defence as a knife when eating ice cream, Hayne is likely to be carved like a turkey by the Maroons and end up using his 'Hayne Plane' super power to fly out of Suncorp Stadium at the 60-minute mark, already down by 20 points.
Brett Morris: Forgetting there are two Morris boys on the park, Brett will be lost outside brother Josh.
The only thing that could work is when Morris passes to Morris and the might of Darius Boyd's minute brain can't keep up with the fact they look the same, falling to his bottom and screaming: 'Mummy it is not fair, they are cheating!"
Josh Morris: Deserves a spot in Origin and one of the few players in NSW who is an easy selection.
Not to worry, he may not see any of the ball while Queensland dance circles around his hapless team mates.
Michael Jennings: Stands out among the NSW ranks due to a complete lack of competent centres on offer.
He had a good season back in 2010 or something, but will watch more of the back of Justin Hodges than the fans who usually sit behind the Broncos' bench in home games.
Daniel Tupou: Another in the long list of debutants NSW has tried to break the might of Queensland with.
May be the best winger on the park, but seriously, it is the engine room that will decide this match so Tupou, don't get excited bud, this is like making a NSW Cup side.
Josh Reynolds: Deemed not good enough to get on the park by the coach in last year's Origin one, if Reynolds can keep Mitchell Pearce loaded with alcohol he may just keep his spot for game three this time around.
Trent Hodkinson: Gets a spot on the back of Reynolds being in the side, therefore owes him a few cases of hearty XXXX later on.
Only problem is Reynolds won't drink a drop, flogging them off to Mitchell Pearce so Hodkinson can also keep a jersey.
Aaron Woods: Like Tiger, occasionally finds the hole with ease, but will eventually be found out in a very big way.
At least Tiger won a heap of major tournaments. Aaron may wait his whole life and only ever be felled like a rainforest.
Robbie Farah: Robert Peter Farrah, or 'Robbie' as he is known, the selection is as exciting and creative as his nickname…not at all.
James Tamou: Everyone is allowed an import, or is NSW just extending the border to Palmerston, New Zealand?
Either way it does not matter, Tamou will be as lost as any New Zealander in an Australia vs NZ Anzac Test match.
Ryan Hoffmann: Will end up running the wrong way when Cronk, Slater and Smith yell out for someone to run a decoy.
It is not the Storm mate, get yourself in check (but at least the Storm wins occasionally).
Beau Scott: Every ship has an anchor, and Beau Scott is only dragging this side down. Offers little in defence and less in attack.
Paul Gallen: Shoulders have grown even more over the summer, but not big enough to carry NSW hopes and dreams.
One on 13 just doesn't add up. Pick another fight with Nate Myles big fella, you are a sure thing in that contest.
Trent Merrin: NSW fans cringed at this selection. They thought they saw the last dropped ball, useless penalty and painful 17 minutes of Origin he is capable of playing last year. Oh god, Laurie Daley, give yourself an uppercut.
Anthony Watmough: Often mistaken for the Bookworm from the Book Place, Watmough needs a win or may punch a sponsor after the match, only leading to more worries for the Blues.
Luke Lewis: Remember the glory days of Lewis playing centre with Luke Rooney outside him?
Those days are long gone and so is this man's talent. Clutching at straws by picking more than one bloke from the worst team in NRL, the hapless Sharks don't need to lose players to Origin as well as matches.
Tony Williams: WOW! As useful as, well, Beau Scott. Put him in a barrel of breasts and he would come out sucking his own thumb. Useless.
Laurie Daley: Already said Mitchell Pearce is not written off from 2014 Origin action. Daley has already considered the fact his side will be trounced. Nice coaching.
Also, was silly enough to pose for a profile shot in Origin camp this week, God help us all!
A look at the Queensland team, by Scott Sawyer
Billy Slater: Looking as shaky under the high ball as Mt Vesuvius, this could be the end of his Origin career if it continues tonight.
Darius Boyd: It's derogatory to other wingers to label Boyd a winger.
More closely resembling a purse, he will once again coast off others' hard work to plant a few over the line, before fixing his hair a record 76 times in a half.
Average, overrated and overpaid, sadly would be a walk up starter for us southerners.
Greg Inglis: The only thing that will stop GI is if Trent Barrett comes off the coaching bench and whacks him again. Not a bad game plan that actually...
Justin Hodges: The full moon. Makes one appearance a month. Hopefully Hamstrings goes down early, otherwise it could be another long night of watching my boys get torn apart through the ruck by the flick-passing master.
Brent Tate: Should use his chin well to run aerial resistance against his opposite number. Glenn Quagmire is a solid performer on this stage.
Johnathan Thurston: Should try to win as many plaudits as he can. If he can't lead the Cowboys to a title he should never be an immortal, not with the sides he's had around him.
Still, a nightmare for NSW. That laugh is being used as shock therapy in the Blues camp this year.
Cooper Cronk: One of the least likeable stars of the game, Mr Personality himself will prove once again that he is as much fun as the flu, threatening to crack a smile on occasion.
Matt Scott: Stunt double for The Block, should be a good battle with his clubmate from across the ditch, James Tamou.
Cameron Smith: Jim Henson would be proud of the way Smith can control the referees.
The puppet master, lawyer, tradesman, whatever he is, will once again control the game even without the whistle, and prove that he is the best hooker ever, also boasting a promising snooker career post-footy, with that bum chin custom made for a cue.
Nate Myles: Luckily no hotel hallway mishaps this week, but if Gallen's fists fly again that may change.
Has been working with Alex Leapai on leading with his chin all week so a big chance of a snooze if punches fly again.
Chris McQueen: Much like his namesake, Steve, will go missing, especially if his club form holds true.
Matt Gillett: Hard to knock this bloke, been outstanding every time I've seen him this year. The only question he has to answer is if he really is the best a man can get.
Corey Parker: Wouldn't be out of place in a midday life insurance advert, hopefully his age (63) catches up with him tonight.
Will be furious about missing the Wednesday night roast and a pot deal at the bowls club though.
Daly Cherry-Evans: Like Camilla Parker-Bowles, will have to rely on an eerily suspicious Parisian tunnel crash to become Maroons royalty.
The kid should've been picked now as the form half of the past two years and the future of Australian playmaking, but he's still gutted his parents never did the right thing and raised him as a Blue.
Ben Te'o: A poor man's James Tamou, good to see the Kiwis getting a few of their boys in the big game... said no-one, ever.
Aidan Guerra: I was a big fan of Guerra until I realised he was a Maroon.
If tonight ends badly, at least he's still a chance of picking up at the nightclub; loud music could easily see Guerra pull off Aidan Guetta, brother of DJ superstar David Guetta.
Josh Papalii: Played outstandingly for the Gymea Goannas reggies a couple of rounds ago.
Will be lost laying a platform for halves that run more than 4m. After playing with Terry Campese this year, Papalii was a sympathy choice from Meninga, who plucked Papalii from the clutches of Ricky Stuart, much like the lifesaver plucking Kate in Titanic.
Mal Meninga: Could have starred alongside Christian Bale as The Joker. Anyone who believes he is the brains of the Maroons operation has to lay off the wacky stuff.
Meninga himself is aware, and even practised his bartending skills last year in preparation for life post-Origin once everyone realises Mick Hagan is the boss.