IF there is any truth to the idea that dreams hold meaning, I am worried. In fact, I would be terrified of my subconscious mind.
I had a dream on Monday night that I was hunting merkin elephants. For those that know what a merkin is, you'll understand just how strange that is.
If you don't know what a merkin is, please do not Google it. Save yourselves now.
Nevertheless, in my dream, hunting merkins that grew on the back of an elephant was a hugely profitable venture. Just for the record, I do not condone the hunting of any animal.
Except for fish, spiders and if you are a farmer.
The following night, I had a dream that I began a counselling session for animals of the Holocaust.
No-one ever took into account the terrors those animals must have endured.
I wonder what a dream therapist would have to say about that. Keep in mind, this is just in the space of two days.
Next night, I was dreaming I was an air particle trapped in a Mr Sheen can.
No quack could tell me there is reason or pattern behind these obscure thoughts.
The best dreams are those that take you away from the constraints of time and space.
Even better are the dreams that come true. When your expectations are perfectly aligned with reality.
A rare yet sacred moment.
The worst are the ones when you dream of work, or cleaning the house. A little too aligned with reality.
You don't get paid and you wake up to a filthy house.
Here are some dream interpretations I have created for my readers.
If you dream of eyelashes, you read too many fashion magazines.
If you dream of a raging fire, it means you left the oven on and should wake up.
If you're dreaming of a train wreck, you should stop voting Liberal.
If you're dreaming that you are getting rained on, you probably didn't lock the dog out.
If there is a dream decoder out there, and sees sense in my dreams, feel free to let me know just how weird I am.