Just ask a bogan from Gladdy for a vote
THE Guardian launched its Australian edition this week.
For the non-news geeks, it's a British newspaper - much like this one, but slightly heftier.
On day one down under, the hallowed tome featured an opinion piece - much like this one. And maybe heftier.
The Aussie scribe asked, "Who will win my bogan vote?" when September's Federal election comes around.
Now, I'm going to assume we're all bogans here. I certainly am (Exhibit A: My euphoric reaction when the cover band at Dicey's plays Holy Grail. Every time.)
And Gladstone, I've been noticing your decorative array of Aussie flag bumper stickers and hi-vis "wifebeaters".
I know we're in this together. And why try to deny it?
Even our prime ministerial candidates are getting on board the bogan bandwagon.
The question shouldn't be, "Who gets my bogan vote?", but "Who is the bogan that gets my vote?"
Take the PM. Last year Ms Gillard used her Christmas letter to Australians to talk about dogs.
They are important in her family. Very relatable for the average Gladdy bogan - except, of course, her dog is a cavoodle.
So not as likely to maul small children as most of the mutts that get around Gladdy (I'm sure they're all lambs, really).
And until little Ruben/four-legged Bill Shorten is spotted roaming free in Clinton, Ms Gillard can't quite be considered a Gladstone bogan.
Meanwhile, Tony Abbott's bogan credentials are harder to spot.
Anyone who's up and about that early for cycling purposes is clearly questionable.
But modern-day bogans no longer fit the Life.Be.In.It stereotype of Norm slumped on the couch.
Next time you're at Kin Kora, bail up the broadest-shouldered bloke you can find. Ask firstly if he does CrossFit, then secondly, if he considers himself a bogan.
Oh, he'll be offended - but only at the thought he might not fit either character. Then wait for the bulging display of Southern Cross tattoo offered as evidence.
Perhaps Mr Abbott could similarly prove his bogan credentials with some ink at the edge of his lycra?
Or perhaps the pollies should butt out, and leave bogan to the punters.