GOOD people of Gladstone, this is not so much a column as a call to arms.
And by arms, I mean the CD player.
My roller derby league has a fundraising roller disco tomorrow night.
And while the PCYC's collection of prehistoric skates are lined up and ready to roll (ha!), at this stage it's a silent disco - we don't have a DJ.
Strangely enough, it was this time last year I was considering a career switch to queen of the decks.
Planning for the big move, I'd just quit my morning radio job, and was eyeing employment prospects in Gladstone.
Funny how a glimpse of freedom from the daily grind makes every wild option seem suddenly possible.
Sure, I had no experience.
"I mean, I have great taste in music," I told the fella. "At least, I think I do."
And my vast research on regional dance floors, I reasoned, gave me invaluable insight - even a secret formula.
Grease Mega mix gets the girls up, Khe Sanh gets the guys - and when in doubt, play Cotton Eye Joe.
In short - you didn't have to be very good to deliver.
We need a volunteer - and I'll volunteer my musical wisdom.
And who knew - my hipster tastes might find a little bar to drop my sweet rhythm and blues beats.
My nearly husband was all too familiar with Gladstone's nightlife, but wise enough not to mention it.
"I guess you'd be cool enough," he shrugged.
I defiantly decided it was a compliment.
The dreams of DJ stardom were short-lived. Before I could even start my playlists for the long haul north, I suddenly had a newspaper job.
Visions of life on the stage - and maybe bangs to set off my headphones - disappeared in the drudgery of desk and deadlines. Okay, and occasional delight.
But back to the disco. Why don't I take charge tomorrow, and line up some killer tunes for my rolling compadres?
I'll still be at work (And still as unqualified for a DJ career as I ever was).
Hence, the call-out. We need a volunteer - and I'll volunteer my musical wisdom:
Everyday People by Sly and the Family Stone is the best possible song for roller skating.
I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates is one of the worst possible songs for roller skating.
And I'll burn you a copy of Cotton Eye Joe.