What can men do when their meatball rolls away?

"ON top of spaghetti… all covered with cheese... I lost my poor meatball… when somebody sneezed…"

There you are, sitting pretty in life with your big heap of success in front of you when suddenly somebody sneezes, something happens, and your meatball rolls away.

Your meatball may be many things. It may be your dreams and aspirations in life, your identity as a person, as a provider, or a hunter, it may be your success, your family, those things you have worked your whole life to achieve.

It may be you have worked so hard to build up your big pile of "spaghetti"; a big mortgage, happy children, a beautiful partner.

It may seem that you have made all the right moves and you have more wealth, power, and influence than everybody else, but it still does not feel like it is enough.

Despite it all, it still can sometimes feel hollow, that it can never be enough.

That no matter how huge the helping of "spaghetti" is, that it can still be lacking.

Then something happens. The sneeze, the incident that shakes life up, that proves that the mound of "spaghetti" just wasn't big enough.

For many men, this event does occur in life, and for many men this can be a source of enormous anger and frustration.
In this moment we can look for the trigger, the thing to blame for all our problems, and this can become the source of all our agro.

It is quite common for me to hear of the distress of men who have strove to work hard, to be a great father, husband, and provider for their family, and yet it still doesn't feel like it is ever enough.

Sometimes they work so hard they can remove themselves from their family, chasing big dollars, and when they return, the victorious hunter, they find the family has moved on, lost interest, it can feel like they are taken for granted.

The seeds of this are often not obvious.

It is quite common for me to hear of the distress of men who have strove to work hard, to be a great father, husband, and provider for their family, and yet it still doesn't feel like it is ever enough.

Small hints, that can be easily reasoned away, but after a while start to fester away in the psyche.

"…it rolled off the table… and onto the floor… and then my poor meatball… it rolled out the door…"

Sometimes the problem is simply where has the meatball gone in the first place.

Some men believe that their meatball is being held by their woman or partner, that somehow this beautiful person they have dedicated their life to holds the key to their happiness. A hint guys… she doesn't have it, never did, never will.

There are others who then look within themselves for the answers.

Sometimes what men find there is a deep conditioning to be a good boy to please mum and dad. Of course, this can lead to a lot of anger and resentment, rather than the spirit to break free.

So where is this meatball? Perhaps the real problem is that it is just buried under all the "spaghetti". All of the expectations, spoken and unspoken, about what a man should be, can pile up and up.

We can point to the huge pile and say "See, look how important/great/worthy I am!"

Yet, for some men, their huge pile is all just an effort to try and convince themselves.

So have faith. Your meatball is out there, perhaps closer than you think, and seeking it and finding it can be one of the most rewarding experiences of a man's life.

Paul Stewart is a life coach with Compassion Coaching, www.compassioncoaching.com.au, and also supports the inSight Men's Circle, run through Hopelink: 4979 3626. 



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