HOW will I wake up this morning? Will I wake up at 3am or 4am - again? Will I even fall asleep?
Unfortunately, I don't have a say in the matter. All I know is when I wake up, I will be alone, go to work and write this column.
The column I started because of him and no doubt it will be the hardest to write.
My best writing comes when I know I'm not writing for an audience. It's hard to write while broken but I hear it's therapeutic.
Some days I wake up accepting; others vengeful and distraught.
Regardless of how or where I awaken, there you are - still consuming my thoughts.
Memories, disagreements, life plans and so many things I wished I'd said or done differently.
They are scrambled together and subconsciously seep into my consciousness throughout the day.
Still madly in love, still grasping on to any hope that may remain for us.
This column isn't intended to inspire guilt; my heart is still playing catch-up to the decision we made last week.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. When it comes along, I will welcome it with open arms.
Until then, I'll embrace my emotions of the day, cherish memories and remind myself this is real and for a reason.