Opinion

Dating advice from the cave you probably should ignore

WELL looky here!

Our fan favourite Man About Town has gone Kerouac on everyone's ass this weekend, so Caveman has been called upon to step in.

So I give you Caveman About Town.

Gladstone's 11th favourite relationship columnist, here to give you advice that is a sure-fire way to have you getting sweet nooky in no time - or packing your things and moving out of the marital home; it could go either way.

Here goes.

When a woman says, "It's okay," that is exactly what she means. You should not look any further into it, and continue on with whatever it was you had planned.

A bloke's guide to the dating game, brought to you by girls

She is clearly giving her blessing that whatever it is you want to do is reasonable, pleasing and the source of much fun to her, so carry on compadres!

This means yes, you can go down to the pub with your mates, put a few bets on and get semi-intoxicated, then roll home and be a general pest, because she said it was okay.

She can have no retribution with you over this, as she granted you her blessing and goodwill for your mischievous endeavours.

If you want us to care about something and understand how you feel, tell us we should and how you feel.

And as the old saying goes, if you make the bed you must lay in it. In her case, it's dealing with a drunk you laying next to her.

This column is a double-edged sword.

I have just presented an excellent case of why it is vital women should say what they think, not what they think we will decipher, as we are for the majority idiots, and have no idea/desire to understand the way a lady's mind operates.

If you want something done, tell us. If you don't, tell us.

If you want us to care about something and understand how you feel, tell us we should and how you feel.

Otherwise, we'll carry on thinking about whatever idea is in our head at the time - usually things such as how it would be possible to get our hands on one of those sweet motorised Eskies, or how best we go about killing the annoying people on My Kitchen Rules and other such pitiful excuses for 'entertainment'.

And most importantly, if you want us to attend something and act vaguely interested, bribe us!

We are simple creatures.

Now that should just about settle things, however, I will teach you how to master the art of surprise.

Never shower a woman with gifts, do not encourage the consumerist abberation that is Christmas, Valentines Day, birthdays etc.

Rather, operate on the notion of extremely rarely presenting gifts; hence the surprise factor will skyrocket, and the gift will be much more appreciated if it is the exception, rather than the rule.

Well, that should be enough love advice to cover a week without Man About Town.

Hopefully I've assisted you all and I take no responsibility for any pending divorces that may arise if any of you are stupid enough to take advice from a guy who has been dubbed the 'Two-Week Special' by his own mother and sister in the past.

Adios hombres, and next weekend, normal Caveman proceedings will resume. I'm off to grab a beer and drink it in the shower.

All this soppy love talk feels dirty and wrong.

Best of luck budding Romeos out there. Remember, you've gotta risk it for the biscuit.

Topics:  caveman chronicles opinion scott sawyer



How to survive a bushfire in your car

IT SOUNDS like a nightmare, but it can happen.

Eight reasons to join the RFS

SPREAD across 93% of Queensland, the Rural Fire Service has about 36,000 volunteers. And you could be one of them.

What if my insurer gives me grief?

CLAIMING your insurance cover after a natural disaster can go one of two ways. It can be a breeze, or like pulling teeth.

'He can see!' Mum's tears as boy fights Taipan bite

Eli Campbell, 2, is recovering at Brisbane's Lady Cilento Children's Hospital after he was bitten by a taipan three times at Agnes Water.

Todder bitten by a snake can now see, talk and walk.

LNG giants handed short term lifeline

PRICE SURGE: Oil prices boosted after OPEC agrees to cut production.

LNG shares jump after epic OPEC deal

Local Partners

David Attenborough on facing his mortality

Sir David Attenborough in a scene from the TV special The Death of the Oceans.

Life without Sir David Attenborough is hard to imagine

Goooodbye Hamish and Andy (from our radios)

Hamish and Andy

The pair have been on air since 2006

Saying "I do" changed Shia's outlook on marriage

Shia LaBeouf has a new outlook on marriage since he tied the knot.

Singer tunes in to first movie role

Tori Kelly voices the character Meena in the movie Sing.

Musician Tori Kelly voices Meena the teenage elephant in Sing

Cricketing greats bring Aussie mateship to commentary box

Cricket commentator Adam Gilchrist.

ADAM Gilchrist enjoys the fun of calling the Big Bash League.

The dead help solve the case

Debut novel delivers on wit, violence and shock

Chinese locked out of Australian property market

The rules are different if you're a foreigner

The buyer was from China - the trouble started right there

Morrison signs off on new affordable rental model

Australia's Treasurer Scott Morrison speaks during a press conference after a meeting of the Council of Federal Financial Relations at Parliament House in Canberra, Friday, Dec. 2, 2016.

Scott Morrison signed off on development of a new financing model

Family scoop bargain $160K 'holiday home' in Gladstone

BARGAIN: A Biloela family has purchased 21 Ann St for $160,000. They try to get to Gladstone at least once a month.

ADVERTISED as "renovate or demolish", but snapped up for getaway.

REVEALED: Gladstone property prices hit lowest in downturn

Aerial View overlooking Kin Kora residential area, Gladstone.



Photo Brenda Strong / The Observer

GLADSTONE PROPERTY prices have hit their lowest since the bust.

Coast high-flyer's fight back from bankruptcy, $72m debt

Scott Juniper went from millionaire developer to declaring bankruptcy in2012, now he is back on top of his game again with new developments including this one in Coolum.

'Apocalyptic lending storm' causes financial collapse.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!