Opinion

Dating advice from the cave you probably should ignore

WELL looky here!

Our fan favourite Man About Town has gone Kerouac on everyone's ass this weekend, so Caveman has been called upon to step in.

So I give you Caveman About Town.

Gladstone's 11th favourite relationship columnist, here to give you advice that is a sure-fire way to have you getting sweet nooky in no time - or packing your things and moving out of the marital home; it could go either way.

Here goes.

When a woman says, "It's okay," that is exactly what she means. You should not look any further into it, and continue on with whatever it was you had planned.

A bloke's guide to the dating game, brought to you by girls

She is clearly giving her blessing that whatever it is you want to do is reasonable, pleasing and the source of much fun to her, so carry on compadres!

This means yes, you can go down to the pub with your mates, put a few bets on and get semi-intoxicated, then roll home and be a general pest, because she said it was okay.

She can have no retribution with you over this, as she granted you her blessing and goodwill for your mischievous endeavours.

If you want us to care about something and understand how you feel, tell us we should and how you feel.

And as the old saying goes, if you make the bed you must lay in it. In her case, it's dealing with a drunk you laying next to her.

This column is a double-edged sword.

I have just presented an excellent case of why it is vital women should say what they think, not what they think we will decipher, as we are for the majority idiots, and have no idea/desire to understand the way a lady's mind operates.

If you want something done, tell us. If you don't, tell us.

If you want us to care about something and understand how you feel, tell us we should and how you feel.

Otherwise, we'll carry on thinking about whatever idea is in our head at the time - usually things such as how it would be possible to get our hands on one of those sweet motorised Eskies, or how best we go about killing the annoying people on My Kitchen Rules and other such pitiful excuses for 'entertainment'.

And most importantly, if you want us to attend something and act vaguely interested, bribe us!

We are simple creatures.

Now that should just about settle things, however, I will teach you how to master the art of surprise.

Never shower a woman with gifts, do not encourage the consumerist abberation that is Christmas, Valentines Day, birthdays etc.

Rather, operate on the notion of extremely rarely presenting gifts; hence the surprise factor will skyrocket, and the gift will be much more appreciated if it is the exception, rather than the rule.

Well, that should be enough love advice to cover a week without Man About Town.

Hopefully I've assisted you all and I take no responsibility for any pending divorces that may arise if any of you are stupid enough to take advice from a guy who has been dubbed the 'Two-Week Special' by his own mother and sister in the past.

Adios hombres, and next weekend, normal Caveman proceedings will resume. I'm off to grab a beer and drink it in the shower.

All this soppy love talk feels dirty and wrong.

Best of luck budding Romeos out there. Remember, you've gotta risk it for the biscuit.

Topics:  caveman chronicles opinion scott sawyer



Date nights under $50

ACCORDING to The Bachelor falling in love involves helicopter rides, private jets, shopping trips, and we mustn’t forget the hot tubs.

Brisbane's arts and culture events centre stage

You loved the film, now you're about to love the musical. Don't miss The Bodyguard The Musical in Brisbane this July.

THE arts and culture events you don't want to miss.

Homewares stores to fulfil your Instagram dreams

No Caption

You too can become an Insta-star with these fab stores.

Top 10 Brisbane experiences to cross off your bucket list

Do yourself a favour and get amongst the food truck scene. Eat Street is a great place to start.

A GOOD bucket list doesn’t have to span continents or cost millions.

Six mega sporting events you need to be at this year

Don't miss all the action trackside this season.

IF THERE is one thing Brisbane does damn well, it’s play host.

Insider’s guide to the best rooftop bars

Eleven Rooftop Bar is one to put on your hit list.

SEE the world from a different perspective...

Where to get your hands on the best wings

Try out these bad boys at Buffalo Bar.

IS THERE anything better than a wicked bowl of chicken wings? Nope.

Garbage truck load catches fire in ALDI car park

WHAT A FLAMING LOAD OF GARBAGE: Two fire crews were called to the scene.

What a flaming load of garbage.

Dodgy car rental deal lands Gladstone man in court

FILE PHOTO: 2012 Holden Commodore SV6.

Deal with mate goes wrong after car reported stolen

Gladstone Youth MP earns second term

BRIGHT SPARK: Jasmine Elliott will represent Gladstone for the second time in this year's YMCA Queensland Youth Parliament.

Jasmine Elliott will represent the region again in Brisbane.

Local Partners

Better phone service for Gladstone's regional towns

Telstra: "This technology is delivering big benefits to these rural and regional communities”


Win a $1000

GROCERY GIFT CARD!
Learn More

What to expect at Birds of Tokyo's Ipswich gig

The band will perform at the Racehorse Hotel on Friday.

BAND member Glen Sarangapany talks music, pub grub and doing shoeys

What public holidays are left in 2017

Ipswich residents will get the day off tomorrow for the show.

IPSWICH residents will get tomorrow off for the show

Caitlyn comes home to launch debut album

Gympie's Caitlyn Shadbolt will launch here debut album Songs On My Sleeve at an exclusive all-ages concert in Gympie on Friday, May 26.

Win tickets to Caitlyn's album launch

Concert death toll revised up to 22, tour suspended

TWENTY-TWO people have been killed and at least 59 people have been injured following a terror attack in Manchester

Casual Keanu says fame is ‘cool’

Keanu Reeves in a scene from the movie John Wick: Chapter 2.

NOBODY expected much of John Wick when it was released in 2014.

Ariana Grande breaks her silence after fatal blast

According to reports quoting witnesses, a mass emergency evacuation was prompted after explosions were heard at the end of US singer Ariana Grande's concert in the arena.

The entertainment industry is in shock after attack on concert

Pitch Perfect star suing Woman’s Day over ‘liar’ articles

Actor Rebel Wilson outside court on Friday.

REBEL Wilson's career destroyed by grubby campaign, court hears.

Seven Year Switch: The boner to end all boners

Johnny’s outraged over claims he has a cracked boner.

She gulps. Her face says it all.

Bay to star in Hollywood shark thriller ‘Cage Dive’

Cage Dive, written and directed by Gerald Rascionato, is now screening in the United States of America. It had scenes filmed in Hervey Bay.

And our visiting humpback whales also make appearance.

Celebrity sex tapes: Where does all that money go?

Basically, did Paris and Kim earn fortunes from their videos?

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

New tool reveals which areas are most 'vulnerable' for renters

An aerial shot of Agnes Water main beach. According to new information, people renting in the region are more vulnerable than those in Gladstone suburbs.

Big differences between living in Gladstone and outer areas

The face of the Sunshine Coast's overpriced rental crisis

Alyx Wilson had to rent a $385 unit in Currimundi because the market was too competitive for cheaper rental housing. She is now renting a room from friends who own a house in Currimundi, and says its much more affordable.

Young people feel the strain in competitive, expensive rental market

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!