Pollies, your reports are just not good enough
WELL, the kiddies are heading back to school after their big break, so it's time to give them a few pointers and hope their performance improves:
Mr Abbott: You told us you were a 'Big Boy' now, and even though our previous Head Prefects set a spectacularly low bar for you to step over, not everything wrong with our school is Kevin and Julia's fault.
Less blame, games and dodgy expenses claims, and more hard work, lad.
I strongly suggest you read 'Leadership for Dummies'; there WILL be a test.
Mr Hockey: You squawked 'Budget Emergency/Crisis/Disaster/Catastrophe' until you were handed the schools' petty cash tin and a shiny, new calculator.
Where have you gone?!
Your sudden silence is more worrying than your constant carping.
Note: as per your advice, I've cancelled my ABC subscription and purchased News Corp shares.
Mr Morrison: Neighbours have reported that you are bullying our school's less fortunate foreign exchange students behind the bike shed.
See me at once, boy!
Mr Pyne: Son, you are 'Gonski', to a poorly funded, rural, public school where you'll be given a real education.
Mr Hunt: You were asked to manage the schools' environment, not Gina and Clyde.
Hand back their tuckshop money and get to work or you'll be placed on the endangered list.
Ms Bishop: Unfortunately, you'll continue to spend most of your time cleaning up the messes made by naughty boys.
Try not to make things worse.
Mr Turnbull: A quick glance at your science project leads me to the conclusion that you are out of your depth sir.
Two tin cans and a length of brown string do not an NBN make!
Do it again, but this time, ask for help!
In short, all of you must try harder or you will be expelled! Which reminds me...
Mr Shorten: Please bring a signed note from your mother explaining your recent absence.
How do you rate our politicians' recent performances? Comment below with your own recommendations.