Opinion

Passion for shopping is not something I have

I HATE shopping. There are not many things I hate, but I tell you what, I really can't stand shopping.

I was forced to go shoe shopping last week.

My old trusty work kicks had finally given way. The tattered pair hitting the bin sounded a death knell for my enjoyment, because it meant I was off to the shopping centre.

Probably my least favourite of locations, other than a room full of spiders, the shopping centre is not my natural environment.

There are bright lights, lots of people, materialistic crap and "latest trends" which I'm almost never on top of.

I think wearing a denim shirt is quite cutting edge… that's how much I know about fashion.

Anyway, upon parking as far away from Stockland's doors in the car park as I could muster, I headed in, female counterpart in tow.

The only thing I was grateful for was her shared displeasure of the pursuit that is shopping.

Anyway, we made a beeline for the directory to locate the shoe store.

Any more time spent than necessary is akin to water boarding at Guantanamo Bay... I imagine that is the closest comparison I could draw had I ever been water boarded.

So the shoe store was identified, and we forged our path.

Dodging the stupid little benches that just invite people to "sit down, relax, enjoy wasting your life buying things you're going to throw out in three months".

That would be the slogan for my own Stockland. 

Caveland I would call it.

It would be a place of fun, happiness, and a maximum of eight minutes in the centre per person before a swarm of bees is let loose with homing devices to chase said shopper out of the centre.

I believe this is the only way to keep people sane.

Alas I have digressed again. Back to the quest for footwear.

So we rolled into the shoe store, and I headed for the first shoes I could find that looked like they would suffice.

The SALE tag on them also helped identify them.

If there's one other thing I hate, it's spending money whilst shopping.

So that was it. The first two pairs I tried on, I bought.

Efficient shopping at its finest.

We were out of that store, and the shopping centre, in about 15 minutes flat.

Great success.

And while I would normally put a little feel-good thing about the service, or the centre, or this and that, the most joyous part of the whole experience, as it always is when forced to enter the realm of shopping, is banging the car into gear and hightailing it out of the car park.

So after some foetal-position rocking, promises of never having to venture near the precinct for the remainder of my time in Gladstone and some shock therapy, I recovered in time to enjoy the afternoon footy with a scotch in hand.

And the bloody new shoes blistered my foot up real good.

Maybe that's karma for my shopping hate, or maybe it's yet another sign telling me that shopping is the enemy.

Topics:  caveman chronicles opinion scott sawyer shopping



How to survive a bushfire in your car

IT SOUNDS like a nightmare, but it can happen.

Eight reasons to join the RFS

SPREAD across 93% of Queensland, the Rural Fire Service has about 36,000 volunteers. And you could be one of them.

What if my insurer gives me grief?

CLAIMING your insurance cover after a natural disaster can go one of two ways. It can be a breeze, or like pulling teeth.

$21.7 billion Carmichael coal, rail wins final nod

The Premier will be visiting Townsville to announce 'good news'

Application approved for rail into Abbot Point and temporary camp

Thief ridden with guilt returns stolen cash over fence

Donation tin stolen and returned

Guilty conscience behind theft of business has cash returned

Number of Gladstone FIFO workers nearly halves: report

THE number of non-resident workers halves between 2013-2015

Number of FIFO workers nearly halves: report

Local Partners

Jennifer Lawrence gives keys to new partner

Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence

Oscar winner settling down with new partner

Rogue One star proud to lead new Star Wars film

Felicity Jones leads the new Star Wars film

Star Wars lead proud to be in front in sci-fi

What's on the small screen this week

Ernie Dingo stars in the TV series Going Places with Ernie Dingo.

ERNIE Dingo stars in a new travel series and Seven airs the AACTAs.

Mandy Moore feels like she's 60

Mandy Moore sees herself as a 60-year-old rather than a 32-year-old

Goooodbye Hamish and Andy (from our radios)

Hamish and Andy

The pair have been on air since 2006

David Attenborough on facing his mortality

Sir David Attenborough in a scene from the TV special The Death of the Oceans.

Life without Sir David Attenborough is hard to imagine

INSIDE STORY: Disused pipeline stops hundreds from building

TRAIL OF TEARS: Route of the disused Santos oil pipeline which is stopping hundreds of Ipswich residents from building.

THE State must act if Santos won't says Cr Paul Tully.

Chinese locked out of Australian property market

The rules are different if you're a foreigner

The buyer was from China - the trouble started right there

Morrison signs off on new affordable rental model

Australia's Treasurer Scott Morrison speaks during a press conference after a meeting of the Council of Federal Financial Relations at Parliament House in Canberra, Friday, Dec. 2, 2016.

Scott Morrison signed off on development of a new financing model

Family scoop bargain $160K 'holiday home' in Gladstone

BARGAIN: A Biloela family has purchased 21 Ann St for $160,000. They try to get to Gladstone at least once a month.

ADVERTISED as "renovate or demolish", but snapped up for getaway.

REVEALED: Gladstone property prices hit lowest in downturn

Aerial View overlooking Kin Kora residential area, Gladstone.



Photo Brenda Strong / The Observer

GLADSTONE PROPERTY prices have hit their lowest since the bust.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!