ABOUT to Move Overseas Brain. It's a serious condition. And I've got it. Bad.
The symptoms: very easily distracted and physically unable to do any work.
Okay, so this goody-two shoes is definitely still doing her fair share.
It's just taking longer than usual, because I've been watching so many bad shark movie trailers.
Sharknado's the best. A tornado of vicious man eaters. And terrible, terrible acting. With fantastic one-liners like this little gem:
"We can't just wait here for sharks to rain down on us."
No, you absolutely cannot!
The same dude who delivers that sage advice then mows through a flying shark with a chainsaw.
Two words: pure gold.
Then there's Sharkoctopus. Equally good. And by good, I mean so bad it's great.
The navy has created a superweapon. It's a lethal shark/octopus with barbed tentacles that slice right through hot chicks like they're butter.
And let me point out, all the actresses are babes.
Nowhere is safe.
"Sharktopus won't be kept at bay…And you can never ever, ever get away," goes the theme song's chorus.
And it's true. Sharkoctopus attacks a saucy lady making sandcastles on the beach. And plucks a bungie jumper off the end of a rope. Awesome.
Now, I've done a spot of bad acting myself. Not in a shocking shark flick, darn it - that would be excellent. Rather a Vietnamese telly commercial for cake.
It was about three years ago, but apparently it is still on the box. And on billboards around Saigon.
It's set in Rome, complete with overlay of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Colosseum.
And then there's a close-up of this girl's gob as I down a piece of Hura deli sponge.
It's a superb performance. Truly.
But a Sharknado would have really made it.