MY name is Greg, and I'm an idealist. I'm currently seeking professional help for this dreadful condition.
We idealists are constantly thinking of ways to make everyone's life much easier, particularly our own.
Over the years I've been called 'creative', 'resourceful', 'imaginative' and once, after initiating a potentially ground-breaking scheme that contained one tiny, yet vitally important flaw, I was labelled, 'Dumb as an ant'.
Fortunately nobody was hurt… too much.
Anyway, after scraping the egg from my face, I swore off announcing any future brain-puffs until I'd thoroughly analysed them first.
But last weekend I came up with a cracking idea that must be implemented immediately!
Idea #55841 - Speed kills. So give motorists cash incentives to drive on, or under, the speed limit.
Now, there are probably some cynics (ie: realists) out there demanding details, so here goes ...
If you've driven for, say, three years without getting a speeding fine, then 'Congratulations!' you're exactly the sort of driver I want to encourage.
You haven't tied up the valuable time of our wonderful emergency services folk, placed yourself or anyone else into much needed hospital beds, or damaged expensive telephone poles.
For this, a grateful government could thank you by slashing your annual registration fee with a hefty rebate, or as I like to call it, a 'regobate'.
And as long as you maintain your spotless driving record, the greater your yearly regobate will be! How's that for an incentive not to speed?
Who's dumber than an ant now?!
Okay, I haven't fully pondered all the possible repercussions, but I'm fairly certain that 'regobate' is practically bullet proof.
And speaking of practicality and bullets, I also have another plan guaranteed to stop drink drivers dead in their tracks.
It might not be ideal, but it sure is effective.