Peruse the paper – for evolution and your vocabulary

PERHAPS my favourite word at the moment is allegedly.

It is basically a lifeline wrapped into three vowels and six consonants.

The government is allegedly poisoning the masses through geo-engineering.


Allegedly, aliens are invading the earth.


Allegedly, Tony Abbott is a bigot.

Safe again.

I'd like to share a few of my other favourite words with whoever is perusing this column.

There goes another one, perusing.

In place of saying "I was shamelessly perving on that girl", a guy would sound so much more sophisticated by replacing it with the following sentence.

"My eyes were perusing on the aesthetic delights that woman placed in front of me."

The English language is a beautiful thing.

For example, the following sentence makes perfect sense.

"That that exists exists in that that that that exists exists in."

Isn't it ironic that I am the number one person in The Observer office who puts my head up over the cubicle wall to ask for help in remembering a specific word, but I can recite the phrase used to describe that process of linguistic amnesia.

For your reference, it is 'lethologica'.

Nelipot is a pretty awesome word too, one that may also describe me fairly well.

It is: one who walks barefoot.

I just hope, as we move into a future of technologically savvy toddlers and our brains become lazier, the English language does not disintegrate further.

That we don't remove more words from our vocabulary and turn into regurgitators of verbose and recycled terminology.

And here's the conveniently placed reminder about why newspapers are important.

Not really.

But hey, when I was 16 I read the dictionary from front to back and I've always had an unnatural love of words.

But seriously, read the paper guys. We don't want to de-evolutionise.

Topics:  ebony battersby gladstone opinion

Gladstone drink drivers named and shamed

OUT IN FORCE: Police are ramping up their presence this Christmas.

It has been months since Gladstone has seen numbers this high.

Young Gladstone woman attempts court escape

Noosa will gather to start a conversation on domestic violence.

Woman makes failed bid for freedom from a Gladstone court dock.

Queensland's Country Women's Association to admit men

MEN can now officially support the QCWA.

Local Partners

Jake left broken-hearted by Bachelorette break-up

Jake Ellis is one of the final three bachelors on The Bachelorette.

GEORGIA chooses Lee and Matty J as her final two suitors.

MOVIE REVIEW: Doctor Strange is out there in a good way

Benedict Cumberbatch in a scene from the movie Doctor Strange.

MARVEL'S new superhero takes viewers along on his mind trip.

MOVIE REVIEW: Jack Reacher sequel falls flat

Tom Cruise in a scene from the movie Jack Reacher: Never Go Back.

THE film's title Never Go Back should serve as a warning to fans.

The Bachelor contestants find love with each other

Former Bachelor contestants Megan Marx and Tiffany Scanlon have confirmed their relationship on social media.

MEGAN Marx and Tiffany Scanlon confirm relationship on Instagram.

Liam Payne wants to wed Cheryl Fernandez-Versini

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne

Liam Payne reportedly wants to marry Cheryl Fernandez-Versini

Bindi Irwin 'honoured' to make MAXIM HOT 100 list

Wildlife Warrior named among Australia's most beautiful women

Bank reclaims Goondoon St complex plan, places on the market

Multi-million dollar development plan up for sale.

MULTI-MILLION dollar plan for Goondoon St complex on the market.

Tough times in CBD: Woolies says goodbye Ipswich

Woolworths in the Ipswich Mall.Photo: Rob Williams / The Queensland Times

The last day of trading will be January 1

Coles to pay new owner of Tannum servo $320K

UP FOR GRABS: Expressions of interest in Tannum's new service station, which will house the new Coles Express, closed this month.

INVESTORS bid for new Tannum service station under construction.

Look at me! Kath and Kim home up for sale

Kath and Kim from the iconic Aussie TV series.

'Crack open the Baileys and grab a box of BBQ Shapes'

How to fit 100,000 new homes on the Coast

Property, real estate, housing, suburb,  August 2016

Fitting 2m extra people in south-east Qld in 25 years a balance

Hinterland horse stud passed in for $8.25 million

UNREAL: This Maleny estate is incredible.

12-bedroom hinterland horse stud still available