Opinion

Peruse the paper – for evolution and your vocabulary

PERHAPS my favourite word at the moment is allegedly.

It is basically a lifeline wrapped into three vowels and six consonants.

The government is allegedly poisoning the masses through geo-engineering.

Safe.

Allegedly, aliens are invading the earth.

Safe.

Allegedly, Tony Abbott is a bigot.

Safe again.

I'd like to share a few of my other favourite words with whoever is perusing this column.

There goes another one, perusing.

In place of saying "I was shamelessly perving on that girl", a guy would sound so much more sophisticated by replacing it with the following sentence.

"My eyes were perusing on the aesthetic delights that woman placed in front of me."

The English language is a beautiful thing.

For example, the following sentence makes perfect sense.

"That that exists exists in that that that that exists exists in."

Isn't it ironic that I am the number one person in The Observer office who puts my head up over the cubicle wall to ask for help in remembering a specific word, but I can recite the phrase used to describe that process of linguistic amnesia.

For your reference, it is 'lethologica'.

Nelipot is a pretty awesome word too, one that may also describe me fairly well.

It is: one who walks barefoot.

I just hope, as we move into a future of technologically savvy toddlers and our brains become lazier, the English language does not disintegrate further.

That we don't remove more words from our vocabulary and turn into regurgitators of verbose and recycled terminology.

And here's the conveniently placed reminder about why newspapers are important.

Not really.

But hey, when I was 16 I read the dictionary from front to back and I've always had an unnatural love of words.

But seriously, read the paper guys. We don't want to de-evolutionise.

Topics:  ebony battersby, gladstone, opinion



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