Opinion

It's easy to see why kilt-wearing Bravehearts chose blue

LAST week, for the first time in my life, I experienced the same freedom as that of generations of Scotsmen.

I wore a kilt.

I was back at the Sunshine Coast for the wedding of a great mate who happens to be Scottish, and the call went out for all the Aussie lads to kilt up for the occasion.

What a day!

I don't know how they did it over in the highlands, freezing their bollocks off with fresh, icy air blowing straight up their kilts and onto the canastas, working in their fields each day - talk about blue balls.

We were only up at Maleny, not exactly European cold, and still I had to chuck a pair of Batman jocks on under the kilt to retain a bit of warmth in the old spud sack.

The kilts are an incredible thing.

Not only are they a bloody nightmare to put on correctly (seriously, there are about 11 different pieces that have to come together, and don't even start me on the shoelaces) but once on, well, you can't help but want to paint your face blue and charge into battle Braveheart-style.

I hope those Scottish farmers weren't cursed with the same mini tree-trunk legs as I, because pulling those cotton socks on was harder than sitting through an episode of Ellen.

It was getting pretty dire, with the idea of buttering my legs for smoother sock pulling even considered at one point.

But luckily all went well, and the day went off without a hitch... until the reception, where the drinking powers of a bunch of Scotsmen met a bunch of Aussies, joined forces, and unleashed fury on the bar tab in a flurry of ales and way too much meat and veg on show as the novelty of high-kicking in the kilts soon became a reality.

Luckily, everyone came out of the night pretty well unscathed.

Except perhaps for the poor ladies ready to catch the bouquet, who were treated to a horrific reverse, jock-free kilt flash by one of the Australian blokes, which I'm sure left many downing vodka simply to ease the pain of what they'd just witnessed.

Topics:  caveman chronicles opinion scott sawyer



WARNING: Don't lock your pets in the car

KEEP COOL: RSPCA's Nicole Allison and Tennille a border collie cross brave Gladstone's heat.

Pets don't have sweat glands so struggle in heat

'Criminals against criminals': Bail for robbery, extortion accused

Photo of a hooded criminal stalking in the shadows of a dark street alley.  The hooded man is a silhouette and hiding in the dark.  The man is a criminal waiting to ambush victims.  The concrete walls provide copyspace.The photo depicts crime.

'LONGER than usual' delays have seen him spend 233 days on demand.

'Can't afford job losses': State power prices in spotlight

Boyne Smelters general manager operations Joe Rea announced job cuts due to increased power prices.

Politicians war of words over BSL's call to cut jobs and production.

Local Partners

The best of SUNfest on show

SUNfest 2017 wraps up on Friday night with showcase event.


New Year New Yard

Win $1000 Bunnings Voucher
Learn More

Puppetry of the Penis secrets revealed ahead of show

The famed Puppetry of the Penis is coming to the Sunshine Coast for shows in Noosa and Caloundra.

WARNING: This interview contains adult themes and traces of nuts

Noll meltdown won't affect Gympie Oz Day concert

Shannon Noll

Photo Contributed

Shannon Noll is still expected to perform in Gympie next Thursday

11 huge events coming to Gladstone in the next 6 months

Events coming up in Gladstone in 2017.

Your guide to exciting events coming to the Gladstone region

Jimmy Barnes Gladstone show not a sell out

Jimmy Barnes will be performing in Gladstone on Saturday at the Harvey Road Tavern.

PLENTY of tickets still available

Your chance to drive like Magnum P.I.

Tom Selleck in Magnum P.I. with his trusty 'side-kick' Ferrari.

FERRARI that appeared on classic detective show goes to auction.

Ocean Sleeper discuss being 'Six Feet Down'.

Ocean Sleeper make waves with their new EP. Photo Contributed

Gippsland band shines at Unify

Bowie's final music EP No Plan released

NEW: Artwork for David Bowie's posthumous 2016 EP, No Plan.

David Bowie's 28th and final album

Crow Street Creative on right track

Crow St Creative host barbecue and bands.

"Blank canvas”: industrial Crow Street developments

Married At First Sight: Ipswich bachelor seeks love

READY FOR IT: Ipswich man Simon McQuillan will appear on the upcoming new season of Married At First Sight.

Romance would top off recovery for Booval man

Collapsed Coast company could owe up to $5 million

Staff, ATO, landlords among those out of pocket.

Ipswich block of dirt sells for $582 a square metre

JUST SOLD: A property on the Brookwater golf course sold for a record-breaking $612,000.

Property smashed 2007 record by close to $100,000

Sunday auction for historical home

Former Catholic school sure to attract spirited bidding

Looking back, looking ahead in Noosa

NEVER-ENDING GLORY: Looking towards Laguna Bay and Hastings St from Noosa National Park.

Natural appeal of Noosa continues to attract buyers

Thousands of jobs part of $1b retirement village project

THIS YEAR: An artist impression of the new Aveo retirement village in Springfield.

Aveo Springfield unveiled this month, homes ready by July

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!