It's easy to see why kilt-wearing Bravehearts chose blue

LAST week, for the first time in my life, I experienced the same freedom as that of generations of Scotsmen.

I wore a kilt.

I was back at the Sunshine Coast for the wedding of a great mate who happens to be Scottish, and the call went out for all the Aussie lads to kilt up for the occasion.

What a day!

I don't know how they did it over in the highlands, freezing their bollocks off with fresh, icy air blowing straight up their kilts and onto the canastas, working in their fields each day - talk about blue balls.

We were only up at Maleny, not exactly European cold, and still I had to chuck a pair of Batman jocks on under the kilt to retain a bit of warmth in the old spud sack.

The kilts are an incredible thing.

Not only are they a bloody nightmare to put on correctly (seriously, there are about 11 different pieces that have to come together, and don't even start me on the shoelaces) but once on, well, you can't help but want to paint your face blue and charge into battle Braveheart-style.

I hope those Scottish farmers weren't cursed with the same mini tree-trunk legs as I, because pulling those cotton socks on was harder than sitting through an episode of Ellen.

It was getting pretty dire, with the idea of buttering my legs for smoother sock pulling even considered at one point.

But luckily all went well, and the day went off without a hitch... until the reception, where the drinking powers of a bunch of Scotsmen met a bunch of Aussies, joined forces, and unleashed fury on the bar tab in a flurry of ales and way too much meat and veg on show as the novelty of high-kicking in the kilts soon became a reality.

Luckily, everyone came out of the night pretty well unscathed.

Except perhaps for the poor ladies ready to catch the bouquet, who were treated to a horrific reverse, jock-free kilt flash by one of the Australian blokes, which I'm sure left many downing vodka simply to ease the pain of what they'd just witnessed.

Topics:  caveman chronicles opinion scott sawyer

Gladstone drink drivers named and shamed

OUT IN FORCE: Police are ramping up their presence this Christmas.

It has been months since Gladstone has seen numbers this high.

Young Gladstone woman attempts court escape

Noosa will gather to start a conversation on domestic violence.

Woman makes failed bid for freedom from a Gladstone court dock.

Queensland's Country Women's Association to admit men

MEN can now officially support the QCWA.

Local Partners

Jake left broken-hearted by Bachelorette break-up

Jake Ellis is one of the final three bachelors on The Bachelorette.

GEORGIA chooses Lee and Matty J as her final two suitors.

MOVIE REVIEW: Doctor Strange is out there in a good way

Benedict Cumberbatch in a scene from the movie Doctor Strange.

MARVEL'S new superhero takes viewers along on his mind trip.

MOVIE REVIEW: Jack Reacher sequel falls flat

Tom Cruise in a scene from the movie Jack Reacher: Never Go Back.

THE film's title Never Go Back should serve as a warning to fans.

The Bachelor contestants find love with each other

Former Bachelor contestants Megan Marx and Tiffany Scanlon have confirmed their relationship on social media.

MEGAN Marx and Tiffany Scanlon confirm relationship on Instagram.

Liam Payne wants to wed Cheryl Fernandez-Versini

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne

Liam Payne reportedly wants to marry Cheryl Fernandez-Versini

Bindi Irwin 'honoured' to make MAXIM HOT 100 list

Wildlife Warrior named among Australia's most beautiful women

Bank reclaims Goondoon St complex plan, places on the market

Multi-million dollar development plan up for sale.

MULTI-MILLION dollar plan for Goondoon St complex on the market.

Tough times in CBD: Woolies says goodbye Ipswich

Woolworths in the Ipswich Mall.Photo: Rob Williams / The Queensland Times

The last day of trading will be January 1

Coles to pay new owner of Tannum servo $320K

UP FOR GRABS: Expressions of interest in Tannum's new service station, which will house the new Coles Express, closed this month.

INVESTORS bid for new Tannum service station under construction.

Look at me! Kath and Kim home up for sale

Kath and Kim from the iconic Aussie TV series.

'Crack open the Baileys and grab a box of BBQ Shapes'

How to fit 100,000 new homes on the Coast

Property, real estate, housing, suburb,  August 2016

Fitting 2m extra people in south-east Qld in 25 years a balance

Hinterland horse stud passed in for $8.25 million

UNREAL: This Maleny estate is incredible.

12-bedroom hinterland horse stud still available