FOLKS, it's not easy coming up with 300 words for this column every Wednesday, so I'm not doing it anymore.
Starting next week, I'll try inserting 300 words into each Saturdays' paper and see if that's any easier.
Basically, there are changes afoot at the Mighty Observer (so don't sell your shares just yet!), and one of them is moving this column into the Saturday paper.
Sadly, what hasn't changed was the roomful of people laughing their heads off when I demanded a pay rise.
On the bright side, there is now room for a local scribbler to whip up some witty, interesting, or wise words for Wednesdays' paper.
And that's where you come in; well, one of you anyway.
If you've ever had a burning desire to write a weekly newspaper column on pretty much whatever topic that falls out of your brain, then we need to hear from you NOW, as in 'Yesterday'.
Of course, you should have some pretty good wordy skill type thingies, but don't panic too much, as Tuesday's columnist, Rob Kidd, has set a very low bar for grammar, sentence structure, spelling, syntax and vocabulary use.
And, like Rob Kidd, it'll help to have a fairly thick skin, as there's a good chance you'll upset certain people from time to time.
It's surprisingly easier to do than you think. Just ask Rob; once he's finished throwing stuff at my house.
So, if you've got enough lead in your pencil to write a weekly column, then unroll a script of papyrus, scratch out a few examples, and email them to: email@example.com.
If you make the grade, you'll soon be living the rock star-life of the weekly columnist, just like the girl in Sex in the City; totally unbelievable.
Catch you next Saturday!